Passing judgement as I see fit.* *Everything I write is my personal opinion. Just because I say Dr.Laura eats Pussy doesn't mean it's true, okay?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

odd stories #2

Kenneth Pinyan was a Seattle, Washington resident who engaged in sexual activity with full-size stallions, some of which he videotaped and distributed informally under the name Mr Hands. His death at the age of 45 from accidental internal injury, in July 2005, received during a sex act being videotaped by a friend of his, was one of the most read stories in The Seattle Times for that year [1], and prompted the passing of a bill in Washington state prohibiting both sex with animals, and the videotaping of the same, some months later.

A video often named Mrhands.mpg showing a stallion having anal sex with Pinyan is sometimes used as a shock video on the internet, however this is not the video of the fatal accident.

According to the Medical Examiner's Office, Pinyan "died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon",[3] and the death was ruled "accidental". Prosecutors later determined that the horse, an Arabian stallion named "Bullseye" which had apparently regularly engaged in penetrative sex acts of this kind, had not been injured by being allowed to engage in sex in this manner.
I love all of the professional determinations.
so the horse wasn't trying fuck him to death?
Bullseye? i love every detail of this story...here's the guys yahoo profile
http://profiles.yahoo.com/mrhands60?warn=1 lol at his hobbies...

odd stories post #1

Armin Meiwes is a German cannibal who achieved international noteriety as the "Rotenburg Cannibal" or "Metzgermeister" after arranging to meet, kill, and eat a man he met over the Internet.

Meiwes posted an advertisement on the Internet, looking for a willing victim. The post stated that he was “Looking for a well-built 18 to 30-year-old to be slaughtered”. Bernd Jürgen Armando Brandes responded to the advert. They arranged to meet so Meiwes could kill and eat Brandes.

As is known from a videotape the two made when they met in March 2001 in Meiwes' home, Meiwes amputated Brandes' penis and Meiwes and Brandes ate the penis together before Brandes was killed. Brandes had insisted that Meiwes bite his penis off; this did not work, so Meiwes used a knife. When that knife turned out to be too blunt, Meiwes used a sharper knife to slice the penis off. Brandes apparently tried to eat his share of his own penis raw but could not because it was too tough and, as he put it, "chewy". Meiwes then sautéed the penis in a pan with salt, pepper, and garlic.

According to journalists who saw the video (which has not been made public), Brandes may already have been too weakened from blood loss to actually eat his share of the penis.

Have you heard the news?

I wish I wrote this but it was someone's youtube comment...
"Jesus's bail was set at 1 million dollars."

best prop design ever...

this is a clip from a longer video...it must be seen to be believed...

Sunday, January 28, 2007

someone get me my scissors and a straw...

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this asshole is banging mischa barton...which was completely irrelevant to me until i saw his fantastic nutsack...but can he tie 'em in a knot? can he tie 'em in a bow? My interest is piqued...

I heart the 80's!!!

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In 1984, at the age of 38, Patrick Nagel participated in a 15-minute celebrity "Aerobathon" to raise funds for the American Heart Association. Afterwards, he was found dead in his car, and doctors determined by autopsy that he had died from an 80's trend overdose.

what a fabulous waste of time!

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my child will refer to them as afro clam and anus impaler

he sounds charming!

Straight/Bi guy Wants to make your Throat a Pussy Hole - 26

Ready to fuck a guy's mouth like a pussy
Not into conversation or small talk
I come by, force you to take my cock, cum, and take off
Send stats and pics- not into endless emails
Bi/straight, clean, cute, slim, caucasian, disease free
You must be masc, disease free and in shape and able to host

Saturday, January 27, 2007

if i had home movies from my childhood, they might look like this...

oh lord...

one of the tales from the crypt...

this is a long one but sooooo good...

aids post...

goliath (hercules) has kitty AIDS!!!!

dream girl

here you go cunts...

I admit that busting on the self-absorbed nature of actors talking about their “craft” on Inside the Actor’s Studio, is like shooting Greek sperm in Paris Hilton’s cooch. Real easy. It doesn’t matter though. My thirst for this baloney is unquenchable. I long for a book of the collected Bernard Pivot’s questionnaires to be released. Those planned answers tell you everything about how these celebractorsÔ want you to see them, while at the same time disgusting you with information you wish you could forget. For instance¾

What turns on Antonio Banderas? (you have been warned)

“Melanie…” he rolled off his tongue like a greasy brick of bullcockey.

“And about 15 other in this audience”, says host James Lipton, in his most shamelessly insincere piece of sycophancy. Come on…when was the last time Melanie Griffith was on People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful List? Exactly! Remember Antonio during his Almoldovar days? Sigh. And speaking of Melanie Griffith… Did you know her favorite word is exponential? Don’t worry I looked it up-it’s a boring math word. Dumb actresses like her and Sharon Stone have to constantly remind us that although they show us their tits and slits, they are actually member of Mensa. Who knew? We are all supposed to gush. The biggest thrill is when a ‘funny’ guy is on. Then you get gems like Mike Meyer’s favorite curse word, “You dentist!” Ha ha hardy har har.That’s a joke that would make Robin Williams proud.

Normally I don’t share all of these moments with people. Other than the fact that, like previously said, it is simply “too easy” to bust on them, I just don’t have time to defend my craptastic television taste against the queries of the Bill Moyer’s fans of the world. I know it is a waste of time. I know I should be watching Frontline or documentaries about the Influenza Epidemic of 1918. I am willing to proudly hide in shame, so to speak, but you must live without the knowledge that poor Melanie Griffith picked ‘brain surgeon’ as the career she’d most like to try. (We get it you’re edumacated!) So while their heads are full of Joseph Campbell and ‘the hero’s journey’ mine will remain dedicated to Ben Affleck and ‘the zero’s journey’. That being said, there was one moment that was so wonderfully delicious, that boldly risking ridicule, I had no choice but to share it with a group of friends during post-dinner party conversation.

The actor in question was my personal dreamboat Keifer Sutherland. I debated seriously whether or not I should taint his fuckability by watching him on the program to begin with, I told the table of friends, which included my now mildly annoyed boyfriend. Keifer’s favorite word was gravitas, pretentious, but his father is Canadian, I defended. We all know that Canadians are slightly fancier than us Americans.

It was his least favorite word that cannot ever be topped in its utterly hilarious misconceived attempt at, well, gravitas. Mind you, as I told this story I was uncontrollably hyperventilating, so much that I honestly didn’t think I could say the word. After several disturbing minutes, I spurted out in a high-pitched crescendo, Keifer’s least favorite word ni**er. I then proceeded to run to the bathroom because I thought it so funny, I had started to peepee. When I returned to the table, people had graciously moved on from the uncomfortable spectacle of a white person thinking the n-word was the hilarious punchline to a racist joke. Better to move on to the narcissistic white people game of pretending someone was interested in knowing our favorite and least favorite words.

Of course I had long ago made my choices, so I blurted out my least favorite word rant off the top of my head as scripted,

“Soul-mate or intense or connection or journey or my soul-mate and I have an intense connection on our journey together.” I said faux bumblingly.

Everyone laughed, just as I suspected James Lipton and the fourth year directing students would have. Yes! Then we went round the table. Of course there was the typical answers¾ pussy, cunt. I decided to rigorously defend these words. I declared that it wasn’t their being that was objected to, but their usage. Sure no one wants to hear some frat boy drunkenly declare his love of eating pussy, but pussy does have its charms. I rattled off a few everyday examples “Boy, my pussy’s prickly!” or “Sorry, I left a pussy print on the sheets!” or the time I asked my boyfriend (who instantly cringes when he hears that he will be mentioned in one of my sentences.) what he wanted for dinner and he said “pussy pie!”

“Maybe pussy needs alliteration. And can’t we all agree that it’s high time we started calling cats, pussys again?” I said to nary a Hear! Hear!

“Long live pussy!” I say somewhat more feebly.

As far as cunt goes sure no one wants to be called a cunt by a person who they deem repulsive, but is there a better word to call Nancy Reagan? Or Sean Hannity? Cunt is great for describing that person who is beyond bitch/dick, but it is also sorely underused for mundane purposes as well. For instance¾ once I was eavesdropping on my adored former neighbors from NY, who’s wonderfully Brooklyn accents carried throughout the courtyard, and came upon this gem.

“Babe have you seen the can opener?” he innocently inquired.

“Lick my cunt!” she yelled in disgust for the entire world to hear.

Now I don’t know if misplacing the can opener was a subject they had recently discussed in couple’s counseling or if the feminist in her simply objected to the use of the word babe. I choose to believe that she used it for feelings of mild annoyance, an important lesson. Why should cunt be reserved for extreme moments or the Nancy Reagans of the world? Using a powerful word like cunt in everyday situations is a thing of beauty. Telling someone to lick your cunt in response to a simple request is a gift from god.

Another least favorite word was panties. The conversation muddled on that one for a while with people just quietly agreeing that ‘panties’ was icky. Even I had no defense.

“You just picture some child rapist sniffing them” I said, once again bringing the room from thoughtful to awkward silence. Apparently they had not gone there instantly.

Several other people landed on more dirty words as being unacceptable, but I found use for all curse words. Dick is great for describing a person but as a substitute for penis it can be small and awkward. Cock is strong and meaty but it can lose some of its power the minute a guy says “Look my cock is getting so big”. In fact it is always risky for a man to refer to it, it just is and that should be enough. And please no chubby, shaft, rod, little buddy, snail with a German helmet et al… there is no need to have that many names for a penis. They have only one mood. Pussys are literally multilayered and deep. If they are feeling whimsical or playful they might be called snatch or poontang. Feeling blue? Twat is perfect on a rainy day. And you have to admit that fuckhole has a certain gravitas. In my book fuck is indispensable, motherfucker dignified, and buttfucker affectionate. How can you pick just one favorite curse word? That would definitely be my most challenging question, if ever I was in the hot seat. “I don’t know James…right now it’s a tie between dickweed and bitchfuck, but as an artist constantly evolves so must her profanity.”

When I do get on Inside the Actor’s Studio (they’re getting desperate, Jennifer Lopez, Tim Allen, Billy Joel!!?!) I will be prepared. What turns me on? Jack Bauer thank you very much. Sorry Keifer but I would be howling with laughter the minute your cumpump caught a whiff of my tuna taco (special thanks to “muffy’s world of vagina and penis euphemisms”). The sound I love? Purring. Hate? People talking about Christ. Career I’d like to try? Queen. Not like to try? Entertainment reporter. Of course when I get the call, I reserve the right to refine my answers and I’m still not sure what I want god to say to me at heaven’s gate due to my rabid atheism, but I can guarantee that ocean, absolute honesty, prejudice or Melanie, will not be my answer to any of the ten questions. My answers will not be attempts to make me look like a ‘good human being’ because I want to be loved for who I am. (She’s so honest!”) (“…and brave!”) (“I can’t believe she wore a nightgown on Inside the Actor’s Studio!” ) (I wish I was that cool!) (“Please love me!”) I will strive to put an end to insincere sincerity and mock irreverence. And I will still come off just as phony. But I will take comfort in the fact that no matter how phony I am, I will be no where near the worst.

“Summer days in the Berkshires” as a turn-on? As Shakespeare would say,” Lick my cunt Gwyneth, lick my cunt.”

Saturday, February 12, 2005

What the fuck are those? Natural boobs?

everything is more artistic in sepia. Unfortunately dime-sized nipples are the current trend. She probably has a full on bush under those panties too. So 70's!Posted by Hello

And this is how you lick a cunt

Dear Dr.Laura, I am my aborted baby's Mom. Every mother's day while other mommy's are receiving dried pasta collages or pajamagrams or for the lucky ones, a copy of your new book Woman Power, I am left out in the cold. Just because my baby died, doesn't mean I'm not a mom. I would love so much to purchase one of your hand-crafted necklaces, as a gift to myself this mother's day. You know the ones you sell , where 100% of the profits go to help needy kids who weren't killed by their mommies? You are so good. Dr. Laura. Everyday I thank the lord that you are on this earth to teach us how to be moral and encouraging us to go do the right thing.It is my dream to one day call you and have you judge me.I can only hope that one day I might have a daughter like you, so I can end up rotting in my apartment for days after I die, because she was too sanctimonious to have a relationship with me! God Bless you!Posted by Hello

Friday, January 14, 2005

just when you thought she couldn't be any more repulsive

What's more disgusting than a diamond, monogramed his-and-hers necklace? weird chafing marks caused by Al pretending those sacs were taye dig's ass.Posted by Hello

Monday, January 10, 2005

Couldn't you just die when you trip on your clitoral penis at a black-tie awards ceremony? Posted by Hello

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Haven't they suffered enough?

According to E!online:

Musician John Tesh is heading to Asia to help aid tsunami victims. The entertainer is traveling with Operation Blessing to Sri Lanka and plans to file video, audio and journal reports on www.ob.org from the tsunami zone.

happiness!! Posted by Hello

sadness. Posted by Hello